A guide to Grass Valley Wildlife

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(Editor’s Note—This morning we continue our tradition of re-posting Bruce’s ground-breaking 2009 column written to prepare newcomers to the hallowed forest of the Nevada County Fairgrounds.)

Less than two weeks until Grass Valley folks! This is good time to point out that the joys offered by this yearly event go way beyond just hanging out with friends, jamming and watching some top notch Bluegrass acts. I am speaking, of course, on the natural fauna that may be found at the Nevada County Fairgrounds, if you look carefully. What follow is a primer – how many of these organisms can YOU spot?

The Thick-Skinned Jambuster (Inappropriatus Usurptus) – this is good place to start, because this creature is fairly common and easy to spot. Look for jams that are summarily broken up by a critter who uses a variety of cunning ways to achieve the breakup of the jam – listen for suggestions of songs that only the Jambuster knows (and just barely) with 6 or 7 chords and irregular rhythms. Or keep your ears peeled for the strains of an overloud “harmony” that is really just an off-tune unison. This species does not mate. Where they actually come from is a mystery.
The Festival Dandy (Exoticus Finerium). The Dandies do not have a specific sound – rather, it is their visual display that you must look for. The males are distinguished by tight blue jeans, enormous belt buckles, elaborate western shirts, topped by very tall cowboy hats. The female of the species will likely sport a frilly, stiff skirt, with a fringed blouse and brightly colored cowboy boots and hat. Biologists marvel at the odd fact that this species seems to be performing a mating ritual, but many specimens found at festivals are well past suitable mating age.

The Aluminum Apartmentite (Winnebagus Wanderum). This species is tough to spot in small groups, away from their social structure, but their herding behavior is fascinating to field biologists. They compulsively create huge hives of dozens of aluminum rolling boxes, which they decorate with flags, card tables and lawn chairs. This is principally a diurnal species, and may be tougher to observe late at night unlike some of the other, more nocturnal creatures that frequent the Father’s Day Festival. This species, more than any other at the Fairgrounds, is fastidiously clean, and perform washing, bathing and waste elimination rituals in the privacy of the aluminum hive modules. The mating habits of this species has never been observed.

The Patchouli Wood Sprite (Dreadlockus Hirsutis). This colorful creature is well dispersed among the Fairgrounds (although usually avoids the A. Apartmentite hives). Both the male and female of the species are well furred, and decorate themselves with colorful woven fabrics. A gentle and affectionate organism, they might actually make good pets if it weren’t for their enormous appetites. They tend to sleep during the day, and become most active at night. When darkness makes spotting them difficult, listen for jams that are playing Dylan, Grisman or Grateful Dead tunes.

The Spam Campers (Hormeli Brandlicus) This species has the most interesting and intricate social structure of any fauna found in the region. The Spam Campers cluster around a designated communal area and the group seems to concentrate their energies on the worship of the queen of the primitive band. The queen has a court of underlings who spread out in the area and lure other organisms back to their communal area to take part in ritual musical, eating and drinking activities. As Campers are worn out, or sated, they are cast out and replaced by a seemingly unlimited supply of eager disciples of the group. This species is both diurnal AND nocturnal –indeed, they never seem to sleep at all.

This is just a small sample of the wildlife you may observe at the Father’s Day Festival – the list is far too extensive to display in this space. But just remember to add Nature Watching to your list of planned activities at this year’s Father’s Day Festival!

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