Lately I’ve been kind of obsessed with change and implementing positive change in my life. Many good things have come out of that obsession – I am regularly churning out new art pieces for my Art Abandonment passion, my writing has improved and I’m constantly having new ideas to write stories about, I’ve discovered a number of new-to-me bands that I adore and look forward to seeing as often as possible, and I’ve found a number of like-minded people to share these things with.
The universe hit me over the head recently with the knowledge that I am not alone in my change. My kids are growing up quickly, and the dynamic in our family is rapidly evolving in the face of that change. My husband and I have been working hard to prepare them for the real world, from showing them just how much it costs to run our household (and giving them an actual number of what their portion of rent would be if we were charging them), to having them help plan the menu for the week and grocery shop, so they realize just how expensive just eating can be. I don’t want them surprised at life outside of mom and dad’s house like I was.
My son just turned 15 yesterday. My “baby” is now almost a foot taller than me. When he hugs me it feels more like he’s comforting me than I am comforting him. He’s put together his first rock band, and they even have a nice little practice shed at the drummer’s house, so I don’t have to listen to them at all hours of the day. He has friends I don’t know, and makes plans that I don’t have to drive him for. He’s becoming independent, unless he needs money, ha ha.
The other day I was standing in the kitchen having a conversation with him about rules. The last time we had a conversation about where he was allowed to ride his bike was probably about two years ago, and I just assumed that the old rules were still in place because no conversation had occurred.
Patrick, however, thought differently. Because we hadn’t re-established the rules, he thought there weren’t any. I don’t know if all teens are this way (I don’t remember thinking that way at his age) but I should have known he would interpret things in that manner.
As we stood in the kitchen, me explaining why it was important for me to know where he was, it suddenly hit me that he is really growing up. His body language was that of another adult, we were equals in the conversation, and the reasons he gave me for wanting a larger area of freedom to ride were perfectly logical reasons. He didn’t get angry at me for making him have a conversation about it (which is often the case in our house with 2 moody teens), and he understood my reasons for needing to know that his plans changed and he wasn’t going to be where he originally planned. We came to an agreement where both parties were satisfied with the terms.
At the end of the conversation I started crying, as it was apparent to me that he is a young man, and not a little kid anymore. He told me not to cry, and gave me a big hug, and it really did seem like the tables have turned. He’s close to being out of the house and on his own, and I wonder if I did a good enough job and whether he’ll be able to make it out there in the big, bad world.
He got to go to his first show with his friends where no parents were with them last Friday. And I didn’t worry too much about him after I gave him my standard goodbye – No Sex, No Drugs, Lots of Rock and Roll. He laughed and joked that he wasn’t making any promises, like he always does. History tells me I’ve got nothing to worry about with him, he’s made choices thus far that I either agree with and support, or understand and support, and that’s about all I can do at this age.
I went out to my own show that night and had an amazing time, all the while thinking about Patrick having as good of a time with his friends. He told me later that he and his drummer talked to the venue owner and she said they just had to let her know when they had a set list and she would get them stage time. The next day he and the drummer settled on a bass player, after jamming in the shed for hours. He said it was like finding his people and that it was the best time he’s ever had playing music with people. I am so excited for him as he takes the next step in his musical journey.
This means at some point soon I’m going to have to listen to his band play that loud noise they call music, and I can’t wait!
