I actually had another write almost completed when I got a surprising phone call tonight. A call from a friend of 30+ years; a call from a friend who possesses almost everything one would dream to have: True loves, like seeds of glory-filled stories waiting to be shared; a noble profession helping others navigate life during their own time of emotional peril; a heavenly get-a-way on the Delaware River and when life gets too hectic? He relaxes and gazes out over his beautiful city with sights of NYC’s Hudson; ball parks; and dreams of what is next, while being surrounded with loving friends. He has a heart wrapped in generosity and the quest to discover how to discover life with every second he lives. I gotta say, he comes pretty close… from where I stand anyway.
One might wonder what on earth this guy could need. I have an answer to that question. You see, his Mama has decided to stop all meds which support her in life and find her way to her heaven; her peace. A woman who held hands of Jim’s from the time he could cry. Mama, not only does the title spring from the salt of the earth; so does her soul. A woman who has lived well into 91 years, 67 years with her husband; a woman of truth; a woman who cooked, cleaned, prepared dinners seven days a week; a woman who should have had the labels in her children’s clothes stitched into their shirts and britches with her name—because she mended them; put them on their backs and laundered them—she is a Mama in every way we know Mama’s to be and she has the mettle to say, that’s it; my turn; I’ve done my job and my legacy makes my heart so big, I believe it’s time to stop while I am on top. And so, in the brisk Minnesotan air, of summer solstice, she shared that with her children and husband. And by phone, my dear friend, heard the news and realized he was about experience his last lesson to learn from his Mama; to be without her; the woman who bore him; guided him; and loved with an undying spirit.
Well, there you have it, don’t you: “undying spirit”…. The never ending internal dialogue we all engage in, one time or another, citing and redefining what that means. What is it to have someone leave you; someone you believe almost defines you. I couldn’t tell you. I’ve lost loves: too many; but never a Mama. Still, I do understand “undying spirit.”
I know what it is like to lose mortal love; that kind of love you never believe will end. I came to see, that yes, mortally you are gone; but I feel you when you visit; I smell you when you come into the room; I know you are there and I have even seen you a couple of times. And that was all I could think about while I was hearing Jim’s story: “Honey, flesh is weak; love is forever. Your Mother is giving you an invitation to live up to everything she’s ever taught you and everything you’ve ever taught her”
It’s not easy to say good bye to a loved one. It marks an event where one’s heart roll’s its sleeves up and lives up to what you tell others; and what you say you believe. It’s a time to mourn and recall and most importantly celebrate. No, saying good bye is a tough nut—but that’s ok. We need tough nuts, it’s what our Mother’s prepare us for and now, my friend Jim, one day soon—she’ll be looking down and exhale with relief. Her job was done and done well—you rose to one of the toughest nuts of all; living in some of the love she shared; remembering her advice; and smiling when you think of her.
Life never takes us where we think it will lead us. We think we have everything; or live to get everything—but in truth, “everything” is just “everything” and resides at the bottom of the barrel of where life lives, because life IS a mystery. Not like a vortex; not like split trees or two headed goats; but that energy of love which never leaves us. Never leaves us as lovers; never leaves us as Mother and child; never leaves us as dreamers. Never.
I wrote this piece a few years ago; it seemed to find me and seemed appropriate to share with my column today.
Rising from the ashes,
“Neath the stars of night:
Voices in the distance;
Lifetimes in their flight;
Sorrows that I’ve lived through;
Gay times with my love;
And here you stand beside me,
Part of heaven from above.
Ghostly, are the memories
Recalling life which was.
Centuries counted long ago
Like yesterday, because
Our love is never-ending;
Our souls are intertwined–
We’re aromatic ether–
When the stars become aligned.
It’s so very good to see you
Again, after this time.
To know we’re still a love song;
For God’s reason, of no rhyme:
Two hearts meant to sustain their truth
In darkness and in light;
And though I cannot hold you
You’re always in my sight.
Remember when you kissed me
In the heathers of Alsace?
You swore you’d stand beside me
And would not let the centuries pass.
Time took your promise far away,
While ancients scoffed my misery;
They watched me bleed, unyielding,
Lying ‘top the mossy scree.
But stardust did not fail us.
Love had a different thought.
We were meant to be together;
It’s how we loved and fought.
And if only for one second,
Stand close and feel my soul:
For if another century takes our breath,
It’s this moment I’ll extol.
Robin Clark