People think you’re stupid.
1. They think you’re going to talk over the telephone when you pick it up and discover that a robot just called you! (Come on! Like you enjoy talking to the robot when YOU call about an important issue and get the robot instead of a human?)
2. They think you can’t refuse a deal that includes a second item for free if you order right now (just pay separate shipping and handling)
3. They think you’re going to purchase an item of meaningless value because it comes with a certificate of authenticity
4. They think you’re going to ask your doctor about a brand new drug advertised on TV whose side effects “may result in death”
5. They think you’re going to invest in their fancy new safety razor when you know the handle will never fit any replacement cartridges you will ever find on planet Earth.
6. They think you’re going to pass on the opportunity as a welcome columnist to shamelessly rip off Brooks Judd’s Ten Items or Fewer model
7. They think you’re going to shelter in place for another year and forsake the company of all your bluegrass festival friends.
