Welcome to 2015: A few thoughts I would like to share with you.
1: I will no longer “embellish” stories or tales from the past with accounts of incidents that do strain the limits of reality.I am a grown man approaching the age of 40 and after several stories in the New York times and the less read San Francisco Chronicle a man of my character really does not need to rely on such subterfuge. In good faith I ask you, the reader of the “Daily Column” to email me at brooksjudd@yahoo.com or post on the message board if I fail on my attempt at true journalism. My inspiration is the master of truth, reality, and non-fiction,the existential Rick Cornish who I strive to be like every day.
2: I will no longer use Rick Cornish as some form of a “cheap laugh.To think that I or anyone would be willing to do this not only smacks of child’s play but demeans the whole process of professional journalism.I am better than that and gosh darn it there are better ways to make my point.
3: My beloved San Francisco Giants show the great state of California how a sports organization should be run and the San Francisco 49ers show our great state how a sports organization should NOT be run.
4: I received something called an I Pad for Christmas from Sheila, Jessica and Rhiannon. They tell me it will improve my life. I’ve been spending the last couple of hours trying to find an extension cord so I can take it into the computer room but I’ve had no luck. I misplaced the instructions but with a little help from Sheila I think I may get the hang of this little machine.
5: No more really lame jokes. Yes, I understand the jokes I have given to you have been of an A+ grade quality but someday down the road a clunker may fall in my column and what would you the reader think of me? Just the other day Rick told me the joke about the blonde, the plumber and the zebra. Rick begged me to use it in my column but in all honesty I felt it did not meet the standards of the CBA ethics board. For those interested you may e-mail me.
6: I resolve to spend a little less time writing about bluegrass and spend some more time writing about other significant and not so significant things. Folks can only take so much Bluegrass information in a month.
7: It’s getting late.Time to say,“Enjoy 2015 and keep good thoughts.”
8: Rick will probably censure this political piece but I have to say it.
Isn’t it strange _______ and then_______ the whole political party _______ would make you _______ and not only that ________ there is______ the gall of _____ wonder____ they have ____ temerity ______ statement for all the American Citizens_____ justice ____ in a million years. I do feel better.
9: But wait: There was this blonde. She wanted to energize her skin and decided to take a milk bath. She left a note for the milk man saying she wanted 25 quarts of milk.The milk man read the note and thought something was wrong and maybe what she really wanted was 2 1/2 quarts of milk. He knocked on her door and she answered. He asked her if she really wanted 25 quarts of milk. She said she did and then explained how she was going immerse herself in the bath tub filled with milk to rejuvenate her skin. He nodded and said, “Pasteurized?” and she replied, “No just up to my elbows. If my eyes need it I’ll splash some milk on them.”
Until February: Read a book, hug a child, pet a dog, stroke a cat, eat a bar of chocolate, walk a few miles in your neighborhood and enjoy.