THE DAILY GRIST Ten Items or Fewer

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Item 1: There’s a multicolored vehicle running around our friendly town of Turlock. The guy who owns it apparently is in the pest exterminating business. The motto on his truck says, Just Say “No!” to Bugs.

Item 2: I received three calls last week from a gentleman identifying himself as Steve Martin. Steven has a very thick Indian accent and he was kind enough to inform me that I have some very serious “tax” business I need to attend to immediately. In a very concerned tone he tells me that the treasury department wants to talk to me. Mr. Martin needs all my vital personal information so he can “help” me out of this pressing difficulty.He tells me it is important I trust him and provide him with all the information he needs.

UMMM! I wonder how many senior citizens unfortunately fall for Steven’s little scam. Some do. If these vermin are apprehended senior citizens everywhere should be able to stone them with family sized full bottles of Geritol.Read on.

Item 3: Two weeks ago my oldest daughter was in Fremont and decided to take a little stroll around the local park before picking up her son from school. She pulled into a parking space, and hid her purse carefully under her sons car seat so it would not exposed. She came back 30 minutes later to find the back window bashed in and her purse taken.

My daughter spent not one or two but four hours at the Fremont DMV to get a new license.Then she spent another couple of hours canceling checks, other credit cards, passes to the zoo and other various child friendly establishments. She phoned the local police but was informed the incident was a very low priority. (On January 23 the Fremont Police called my daughter saying someone had turned in her purse completely intact save the $30 in cash that was in it.) There is hope.

I hope the jerks who do the smash and grab will someday have to suffer for their transgressions and serve some time as punishment. Maybe they should be sent to the DMV to stand in line for a day or two.

Item 4: It’s 2015, a brand new year is upon us, filled with hope and yet the terrorists are in full bloom striking us down. It seems all sanity is lost. What a marvelous idea if our Just say “No” to Bugs man could wind his way around the world spraying these vermin and then have them ferried across the River Styx into a place they so richly deserve, the fiery pits of Hades.

Item 5: I just got back from another vigorous one hour five mile walk and was feeling quite proud of myself, that is until I sit down to read about the two men who spent 19 days on El Capitan scaling the sheer face of the rock using only their fingertips, toes, and grit to inch themselves up the 3000 foot sheer cliff.They are the first climbers to accomplish this feat.To repeat, that was 19 days AND NIGHTS on the sheer face of the rock suspended only by a safety rope and nothing else.

While I am devouring this bit of news my eyes are directed to another article. This item is about a San Franciscan who just completed seven marathons in seven days on seven continents. To make this more remarkable the young man completed all seven marathons in five hours or under. Somehow my five miles seem so insignificant.

To make my own claim to fame I will eat a Snickers Bar under seven seconds, on seven consecutive days in seven different rooms of my home of the seventh day of the seventh month of 2015. I do not feel so bad now.

Item 6: Sheila and I just got back from the wonderful Gallo Theater where we saw the great Johnny Rivers perform. Johnny is seventy-two years young and he put on a wonderful show. The theater was sold out and the fans were appreciative and boisterous. It was a rewarding show.

Johnny played all his hits and was able to use his shiny red guitar he used when he recorded in 1962 the million seller “Johnny Rivers at the Whiskey A Go Go.” The wonderful “Memphis” is on this album and Johnny played a rousing version to a wildly appreciative audience. Thanks for the great show Johnny.Next stop at the Gallo…. The Buddy Holly Story and then the dynamic Buddy Guy.

Until March 6: Read a book, enjoy a film, hug a child, pet a dog, stroke a cat, eat a bar of chocolate and …. “IKIRU”

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