Now that we’re gradually coming out of a period of isolation. It’s a good time to remember our manners as we re-enter public scenes. I’m thrilled to be out and about more, but I have witnessed some lapses in common courtesy, and wish to address it before things get more churlish.
This weekend, at a venue that featured delicious food and live music in a lovely outdoor setting, someone was taking the tip bucket around. Musicians know that some people are a little shy (or lazy) about marching up to the front of the stage to put a tip in the bucket. Having someone carry it around the room can really help. Tom Lucas calls it the “sashay”. It should be done as a low-pressure way to make it easy for audience members to show their appreciation. If you’ve already tipped the band, or if you just don’t want to – no problem. A quick shake of the head, or a muttered “no thanks” and the bucket moves on.
Well, in this instance, a guy who was clearly enjoying the show in its entirety snarled nastily at the lady who was sashaying the bucket around. No need for that, man! Tip or don’t tip – you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your decision, either – but be civil.
Often these are the same people who treat bartenders and serving staff as personal servants. There’s no need to be patronizing – you want food or drink, they bring it – it is their job. If you snap your fingers at them or speak disrespectfully or rude to them, you’re advertising to everyone around you that you are an uncouth person. Believe me, your friends at your table are squirming in embarrassment.
As the music business opens up, bands need to polish their manners too. There’s going to be a lot of worthy competition for gigs, so don’t forget to show up on time, dress appropriately, and be gracious to the proprietor, the staff and of course, the audience. If you’re playing at an eating establishment, don’t get indignant if patrons are talking. Play at a volume that ensures people CAN talk. Don’t humiliate anyone who has a request – EVER. You can politely say that you haven’t rehearsed that song, or that the band doesn’t typically play requests, but don’t make a face and say on a live mic “Rocky Top? There’s no way we’re gonna do that? Geez!”
Don’t abuse drink or food privileges – it’s not an invitation to belly up to the trough and be a pig. You don’t have to order the cheapest food and drink, but you should forgo the 12 year old Scotch and the lobster thermidor. Bands that violate this unwritten rule are employing a scorched-earth tactic. Not only will they not be invited back, but subsequent bands may have to deal with a strictly limited “band menu” – through no fault of their own.
Social interaction is wonderful, enjoyable and, with music thrown in, it can even be exhilarating. A little patience, respect and restraint is all it takes for people to have a real good time, and musicians, patrons and proprietors can all benefit from the experience. Are you with me on this?