“The biggest surprise in a man’s life is old age.” That’s what my neighbor Freddy Tolstoy said when he had finished a song on his old 1937 Martin D-28 guitar at a jam awhile back. Of course he was quoting Leo Tolstoy (no relation to Freddy), the revered Russian writer who was born back in 1828. Leo may have been the first man to write it down for public awareness, but he certainly wasn’t the first to think it. And he definitely wasn’t the last person to think it. Of course we can’t leave women out of this state of mind and body.
In any case, what Leo first wrote and what Freddy said was on my mind the other day when I was woke up in bed, and didn’t want to get up (like most days). So I came up with this.
Woke up this morning
Couldn’t get out of bed
My back was stiff
And so was my head
Finally got one foot
On the cold, hard floor
I said, “That’s it!”
I can’t do anymore
Chorus:
I’ve got the stiff man blues
Got em’ through and through
From the bottom of my feet
To the top of my head
These stiffies make you feel
Like you’re already dead
But a little voice inside me
Said, “Get out of bed!”
And I answered right back
“I can’t cause it feel like I’m dead!
But the smell of coffee
Came driftin’ my way
And I thought to myself,
“Hey, hey, hey.”
If I get out of bed
And have a cup of “Joe”
It’ll be good
And then away I’ll go
So I did just that
And I made it somehow
I had three cups, and don’t you know
Right back to bed I did go
Chorus:
I’ve got the stiff man blues
And I got em’ through and through
From the bottom of my feet
To the top of my head
These ol’ stiffies make you feel
Like you’re already dead
Sometime I get to thinkin’
About rigor mortis
These days I move
As slow as a tortoise
And if I keep getting
Slower and slower
That ol’ grim reaper
Gonna to take me over
So there’s only one thing
Left to do
I’ll visit Mary Jane
And she’ll legally pull me through
My oh my, I got the stiff man blues.
Awhile back on the CBA Message Board there was a thread, “Let Me Hear Your New Song.” Various ideas were presented as to how some original songs penned by CBA members might get to be heard. As yet no plan has come around to make that happen. I don’t have a melody for “Stiff Man Blues,” so if you want to come up with one, be my ghost! And if there is ever a song writing contest we’ll share the prize for last place…
