I apologize to you folks for missing my fourth Thursday welcome column last month. About two or three times a year, for some unknown reason I cannot focus my eyes properly for a day or so, and that struck me again on the Wednesday before the fourth Thursday when my column was due. Thankfully I can see good this month.
Here is the column that I was going to write last month to honor the memory of my friend Joe Carr who passed away early last December. Joe was one of the funniest men I’ve ever known, and his sense of humor was second only to his ability as a world-class musician. Joe, along with Alan Munde, delivered the keynote address to the attendees at IBMA in 1996. It was one of the funniest presentations I’ve ever seen, and brought down the house. In May of 1997 Joe and Alan were appearing at the Mariposa bluegrass Festival, and we got to talking backstage of that keynote address the previous fall in Owensboro, Kentucky. Joe perked up and said hold that thought, JD. He rummaged through his guitar case and brought out a copy of that same keynote speech and said here you can have this. So believe it or not, I still have it right in front of me as I write, and you’re going to get to read that whole keynote speech courtesy of Joe Carr, although it is posthumously. Later this week I’m going to send it back to the IBMA bluegrass music Museum in Kentucky for their archives. So for now, enjoy the humor of Joe Carr and Alan Munde.
Dateline favorite 24th 2005, Nashville Tennessee.
Bluegrass conspiracy theorists around the world were vindicated when Nashville police stormed into a suburban residence today, and arrested the man responsible for keeping bluegrass music off the radio across the nation since the 1950s. One bluegrass fan commented, its going to be so good to be able to hear bluegrass on the radio anytime day or night.I just hope they play the right kind of bluegrass and I hope it doesn’t get too popular or it might ruin it.
Dateline May 6, 2010, Los Angeles California.
The national collegiate bluegrass Association announced the second season of college level bluegrass band competition this fall. The colleges recruited heavily at bluegrass festivals this summer and they have signed many of the top-ranked high school pickers and singers in the country.
Last season was marred by a scandal involving the use of hormones to help male singers saying in higher keys. This year mandatory pre-jam testing will hopefully stop this practice. Teams in the big 12 conference include the Fighting Flat pickers of Notre Dame, Alabama’s Crimson Grass, The Seldom Sooners, of Oklahoma, and the Nebraska Shuckin’ the Corner’s. All-star musicians from each region will compete at the end of the season for the coveted Bluegrass Bowl Trophy. The college bluegrass bowl will be held on New Year’s Day. Halftime entertainment will feature a brief football game.
Dateline; June 22, 2025, Everywhere USA
Experts are baffled at the growing popularity of bluegrass music among American teenagers. At shopping malls and on street corners in major cities across the nation, the teens, or grasser’s as they refer to themselves,gather to jam using guitars, banjos, fiddles, mandolins. Periodically, one of the youths overcome by the intensity of the music begins to clog dance, much to the enjoyment of the crowd. Scattered throughout the crowd our kids dressed and jodhpurs, I riding boots and Ralph Stanley for Pres. T-shirts.
IBMA officials attribute the phenomenon to B – TV, the 24-hourr bluegrass music cable network that features videos by newsgroups such as Lazergrass, and old-timers such as Alison Krauss. The animated series”Bevis and Banjo”has become the most popular program.
Dateline; October 5, 2051. Lunar colony, Delta 4
Delta 4 hosted the IBMA [the interplanetary bluegrass music Association] convention this year, marking the first time the organization has met on the lunar surface. The event proceeded without a hitch with the exception of a brief interruption of gravity service during the popular fan Fest. Performers and audience members alike floated aimlessly about the festival site for several minutes until service could be restored. One picker had to be rescued from the support structure of the helidome. The lineup included; Jimmy Martian and Sun Mountain, playing his hits; “my rocket shoes don’t fit me anymore”and “on the sunny side of the moon”.
Also on the program; the Moonrow Brothers, 75th Timeout, the Good Ol’ Lifeforms, and Sonny and Bob, The Airborne Brothers.
the theme of this year’s event was”bluegrass music; it’s out of this world”. Keynote speaker Joe Carr who turned 100 years old this year commented, whether you like space grass or traditional musicians like Bela Fleck, it’s all here. Bluegrass music is alive and well in the 21st century.
So there you have it folks, the 1996 Keynote address as delivered by Joe Carr and Alan Munde to the IBMA attendees, while we were still in Owensboro Kentucky. They got a standing ovation at the end of their presentation, and later Joe told me backstage; JD we would have been a lot funnier if the audience was a little bit drunker. That was my friend Joe Carr and his irrepressible sense of humor. Rest in peace my friend, and may God bless your soul. Yer friend, JD Rhynes
